Amazing Love

When our son was a little boy he often said to us, “I love you a million thousand every day”.  Like most parents, we remember the cutest things our kids said and still talk about them, even though those babies are now adults.  I loved this phrase so much that I had a wall plaque created with those words.  It now hangs over my kitchen window.

One day I was walking through the house and noticed the plaque.  God said to me, “Think about those words a minute and I’ll show you something”.

As I meditated on that childish utterance, God showed me that when my baby boy said, “a million thousand” he was imagining the biggest number he could to indicate the depth of the love he had for us.  When he used the words, “every day",  he meant not just Christmas morning or the day we took him fishing or the time we went to the amusement park, but every single ordinary day of his life.

God said, “My love is much the same. A million thousand is only a tiny fraction of the infinite love that I have for my children.  I love you so much that I gave you Jesus and your mind can only comprehend a very small part of what that means for you.  My love for you is every day – not just when you have it all together, not just when you pray just right, not just when you’ve studied the Word or lifted your hands in worship, not just when you are treating those around you the way you should. I love you on the days when you are broken or doubting or frustrated or angry or unforgiving or apathetic.  I love you deeply and unconditionally every day.”

Every morning when you wake up to start your day, just imagine our amazing God greeting you with that phrase:

"I love you a million thousand

 – every day!"

Lessons from a Baby #8: Pursuing in the Same Direction/Proximity is Everything

It's hard to believe that just a few short months ago my granddaughter, Bella, was just taking her first few unsteady steps.  Now she's walking everywhere - and I do mean EVERYWHERE - and getting into everything.  She walks so well now that she is really ready to turn the walk into a run.

Last week we were playing in my backyard. She thinks it is hilariously funny when I chase and try to catch her, so we were doing a bit of that. Then I switched up the game a bit and got her to try to chase me. She thought that was fun too, but after just a few minutes, she turned and trotted off the opposite way in the yard. I yelled to her, "Bella, you can't catch me if you aren't going the same way I'm going!"

BAM! The thought hit me immediately.  That's what God is constantly saying to us.  We can't "catch" Him if we aren't going in the direction He is moving. Not only that, but moving away from God takes us from His protection and into places of danger.

Bella went the opposite way and at first, she was fine.  She was still in a safe place in the backyard, but if she had continued to move away from me, she eventually would have wandered into places of danger like the woods or.the street. 

When we first let other things interfere with our pursuit of God, we don't notice a problem.  We are still good, decent, moral people. We think we can handle this life just fine on our own.  It's no big deal.  The further we go in the opposite direction, the more the trajectory leads us into situations that we never thought we'd find ourselves in again.

My husband Paul reminded me of a similar story involving Bella's dad, our son, Josh.  When he was a little fellow, just learning to ride a bike, he took a bike ride in our neighborhood. He was still using training wheels, so this was early in his skill development in this area.  He had his helmet on and was riding just a little ahead of us as we circled the neighborhood. His dad told him not to get too far ahead of us so he would be safe. As he grew more confident, he peddled faster and faster and ultimately ended up hitting a rough patch of pavement and fell off his bike, skinning up his elbows and knees.  In spite of the warning to stay close, he made other choices.  Paul said it's like he had the helmet of salvation to keep him safe, but he forgot to stay close to his father and put himself in danger.

Remember that no matter how much you think you "have it together", you cannot risk moving off the path of pursuit in the same direction God is leading. 

Lessons from a Baby #7: Trusting, When You Don't Like the Way It Feels

I went to a swimming party yesterday with my daughter-in-law and my granddaughter, Bella.  Bella is 18 months old and is not yet a swimmer.  So "swimming" for her means being carried through the water while splashing and kicking.  She really likes me to hold her under her arms and pull her towards me through the water while she tries to kick her little legs.  However, when I try to hold her in my arms and help her to lie on her back to float, she resists.

I shouldn't have been surprised.  Like many little ones, Bella does not enjoy having her hair washed.  She doesn't like the feeling of the water on the top of her head or the drops streaming down her face.  I know that she loves and trusts me and she knows that I will not do anything to hurt her.  It's not that she didn't trust me to keep her above water while she lay on her back, it's just that she didn't like the way it felt.

Then God reminded me that I am the same way. I trust God. My head and heart both know that God will not do anything to harm me and that I can rest safely in His arms.   Sometimes though, I just don't like the way that feels. There are times when He is bringing me through a season in my life when the water doesn't feel comfortable.  I know He is holding me and I really don't have any fear - I just don't like the way I feel.

During those times, He is teaching me and trying to develop things in me that aren't easy to experience.  Sometimes there is pain. Often there is a period of stepping out into things that don't feel natural to me. More times than not, I have to see things in myself that I'm not ready to confront.  Through all of it though, I know that I won't be dropped, left to sink and drown in the middle of my situation.

Someday, when Bella is a much bigger girl and has learned to float and swim and dive, she'll read this story and wonder what the big deal was.  She'll ask herself why she ever had a problem with having her head wet.  For now, she is just reacting to a circumstance by showing how she feels.  She'll learn to get past those feelings and enjoy the freedom of moving through the water on her own as I can learn the freedom of letting God have His way in my life.

I know we are not supposed to be moved by what we feel, but that doesn't mean we won't feel.  The key is that when God is holding us on the surface of the water, we must relax and let Him put us in that floating position - even though it's not comfortable. Pulling ourselves back into that upright position keeps us away from the peace that we can have in Him.  The Bible says that "perfect love casts out fear" (1 John 4:18), so we must remind ourselves that the love that is holding us is indeed perfect and learn to embrace the sensations that are not always comfortable in the natural, knowing that God really does have our best interests in mind.

Lessons from a Baby #6: What Do You Want?

Miss Bella is 18 months old! These 18 months have been full of milestones for her: rolling over, crawling, walking, feeding herself and so much more.  The one skill that will mean the most for her future is learning the language she'll be using for the rest of her life.  I've talked about her language development before, but there's a different aspect I'd like to explore today.

Bella knows many words and she understands so much. It's amazing to me how quickly these little people figure out the world around them.  Of course, she can understand many more words than she can say.  She has a set of baby signing videos that teach words along with the American Sign Language symbols for those words.  It's so cute to hear her ask, "More?"  as she does the sign when she wants more food or more of a favorite activity.

Because we adults are so excited about her learning words and because she is so adorable saying them, we are always talking with her, trying to get her to say certain things.  So, when we are in the backyard, I don't just let her just point to the swing, I encourage her to tell me what she wants and she can do a pretty decent approximation of the word.  She has learned the sign for "cracker" and uses it, along with the word, to get a snack out of my pantry.  I could just anticipate her needs and wants and provide them without her saying a word, but that would slow her language growth and her independence.  I don't want her going through life just pointing at things she wants and grunting.

I think that is one reason prayer is so important.  God absolutely knows our every need, but He wants us to ask for what we desire.  Jesus asked a blind man that very question in Mark 10 in verses 46-52. (Bold text added)

 Now they came to Jericho. As He went out of Jericho with His disciples and a great multitude, blind Bartimaeus, the son of Timaeus, sat by the road begging. And when he heard that it was Jesus of Nazareth, he began to cry out and say, “Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me!”

 Then many warned him to be quiet; but he cried out all the more, “Son of David, have mercy on me!”

 So Jesus stood still and commanded him to be called.

Then they called the blind man, saying to him, “Be of good cheer. Rise, He is calling you.”

 And throwing aside his garment, he rose and came to Jesus.

So Jesus answered and said to him, “What do you want Me to do for you?”

The blind man said to Him, “Rabboni, that I may receive my sight.”

 Then Jesus said to him, “Go your way; your faith has made you well.” And immediately he received his sight and followed Jesus on the road.

I know that Jesus knew exactly what Bartimaeus wanted, but he made him articulate it, just as I do when Bella has a request.  I think that the point of Jesus asking was to activate the man's faith. When he had asked, he was opening his own spirit to the possibility that he could be healed.  Asking Jesus, who was the one who had the power to heal him, showed that he knew he had come to the right source.  The request activated the faith which resulted in healing which led to Bartimaeus following Jesus. Through our relationship with Jesus and the words of our mouth, new things in our lives are created and changed.

I am not Bella's source - God is.  While she is little though, she is learning that relationship with me (and her parents and other family members) is the key to getting her needs met, if she will ask for what she wants.  We, as children of God, need to learn that same thing - that relationship comes first and asking comes next.  

 If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, you will ask what you desire, and it shall be done for you. (John 15:7)

Abiding in Him is the very definition of relationship. If  His words abide in you, you will have knowledge of His character. Then what you desire will be in accordance with what He wants for you and will be for your good.  Tell Him what you want!

He Knows My Name

As I mentioned in last week's post, I have been doing some purging of my belongings, trying to simplify my life a little.  Though I plan to live to a very ripe old age, I don't want to leave too much clutter for my children to sort through when I'm gone.

One thing I ran across in my sorting was a yearbook from a school where I taught about 12 years ago.  It's the only yearbook I have from any of the schools where I have worked.  In deciding whether to keep it, I took a look back through the pages to see which students I remembered.  I am a resource room teacher, so I didn't have a classroom of my own students but worked with small groups of every grade level through the day. Evidently, sometime in the past, I had placed a check mark beside the pictures of the students with whom I had worked.

As I looked at those faces from over a decade ago, I smiled at some as I remembered a specific interaction with them or a trait they had that I recalled, such as the little boy who fell asleep so much at school that I had to start having him sit on the floor to work with me so he wouldn't put his head down on the desk and start snoring!  Wondering where life had taken some of these kiddos, I did what everyone does these days when they are looking for someone - I typed their names into the search bar on Facebook!

When I knew these students they were in kindergarten through fifth grade, so 12 years for them meant their entire school career and the beginning of their adult life.  Many of their profiles showed evidence of continuing their education after high school, starting careers, developing relationships and in at least one case, having a child.

What was interesting about my search for them is that some were easy to find. Their name was unique enough that there weren't pages and pages of people with the same name.  Many had their city listed and it was in the same area of the school where I had known them.  Of course, some of them may not even be Facebook users. Others, however, got lost in the ordinariness of their name and without a context of location, I could not pinpoint which person with that name was my former student.

Have you ever "googled" your own name?  In my case, there is a Jan Ellis who was a famous South African rugby player and another who is an actor.  Ironically, there are many women with the name Jan Ellis who are also teachers.  Others are writers, lawyers, and financial planners.  There is even a dessert called Jan Ellis Pudding!

With all those folks coming up as search results for Jan Ellis, someone who was looking for me might have a difficult time determining just which one was me, but God knows exactly which Jan Ellis I am.  I don't get lost in His mind in the multitude of others who share my name.  He knows the number of the very hairs on my head.  

Revelation 2:17 says,  “He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches. To him who overcomes I will give some of the hidden manna to eat. And I will give him a white stone, and on the stone, a new name written which no one knows except him who receives it.” 

Bible scholars don't all agree about the meaning of this passage, but many list several cultural uses of a white stone.  One was the use of a white stone by the member of a jury to cast a vote for acquittal - a judgment of being innocent of the charges.  Another use of the stone was as a ticket for admission to a festival. Both of those explanations have some deep spiritual significance, but it's that new name that is most interesting to me. There are also differing opinions about the nature of that name, but I believe that God has a unique, identifying name for us that represents our transformation and the events of our journey in Him.  We will instantly identify with and understand that name and all that it means. No one else will "know" the way that we "know" all that the name encompasses because they didn't live our story. 

At any rate, for now, I do know that He knows me better than I know myself.  He knows where I was then, where I am now, and what my future holds.  Though I'm just one in a vast number of all the human beings who have ever lived on this earth, he still knows me and values me as if I was the only person on this earth and He places that same love and value on you.  Don't underestimate the capacity of this amazing God to differentiate between you and the billions of others who are in His heart.  He knows your name!