Lessons from a Baby #7: Trusting, When You Don't Like the Way It Feels

I went to a swimming party yesterday with my daughter-in-law and my granddaughter, Bella.  Bella is 18 months old and is not yet a swimmer.  So "swimming" for her means being carried through the water while splashing and kicking.  She really likes me to hold her under her arms and pull her towards me through the water while she tries to kick her little legs.  However, when I try to hold her in my arms and help her to lie on her back to float, she resists.

I shouldn't have been surprised.  Like many little ones, Bella does not enjoy having her hair washed.  She doesn't like the feeling of the water on the top of her head or the drops streaming down her face.  I know that she loves and trusts me and she knows that I will not do anything to hurt her.  It's not that she didn't trust me to keep her above water while she lay on her back, it's just that she didn't like the way it felt.

Then God reminded me that I am the same way. I trust God. My head and heart both know that God will not do anything to harm me and that I can rest safely in His arms.   Sometimes though, I just don't like the way that feels. There are times when He is bringing me through a season in my life when the water doesn't feel comfortable.  I know He is holding me and I really don't have any fear - I just don't like the way I feel.

During those times, He is teaching me and trying to develop things in me that aren't easy to experience.  Sometimes there is pain. Often there is a period of stepping out into things that don't feel natural to me. More times than not, I have to see things in myself that I'm not ready to confront.  Through all of it though, I know that I won't be dropped, left to sink and drown in the middle of my situation.

Someday, when Bella is a much bigger girl and has learned to float and swim and dive, she'll read this story and wonder what the big deal was.  She'll ask herself why she ever had a problem with having her head wet.  For now, she is just reacting to a circumstance by showing how she feels.  She'll learn to get past those feelings and enjoy the freedom of moving through the water on her own as I can learn the freedom of letting God have His way in my life.

I know we are not supposed to be moved by what we feel, but that doesn't mean we won't feel.  The key is that when God is holding us on the surface of the water, we must relax and let Him put us in that floating position - even though it's not comfortable. Pulling ourselves back into that upright position keeps us away from the peace that we can have in Him.  The Bible says that "perfect love casts out fear" (1 John 4:18), so we must remind ourselves that the love that is holding us is indeed perfect and learn to embrace the sensations that are not always comfortable in the natural, knowing that God really does have our best interests in mind.

Lessons from a Baby #6: What Do You Want?

Miss Bella is 18 months old! These 18 months have been full of milestones for her: rolling over, crawling, walking, feeding herself and so much more.  The one skill that will mean the most for her future is learning the language she'll be using for the rest of her life.  I've talked about her language development before, but there's a different aspect I'd like to explore today.

Bella knows many words and she understands so much. It's amazing to me how quickly these little people figure out the world around them.  Of course, she can understand many more words than she can say.  She has a set of baby signing videos that teach words along with the American Sign Language symbols for those words.  It's so cute to hear her ask, "More?"  as she does the sign when she wants more food or more of a favorite activity.

Because we adults are so excited about her learning words and because she is so adorable saying them, we are always talking with her, trying to get her to say certain things.  So, when we are in the backyard, I don't just let her just point to the swing, I encourage her to tell me what she wants and she can do a pretty decent approximation of the word.  She has learned the sign for "cracker" and uses it, along with the word, to get a snack out of my pantry.  I could just anticipate her needs and wants and provide them without her saying a word, but that would slow her language growth and her independence.  I don't want her going through life just pointing at things she wants and grunting.

I think that is one reason prayer is so important.  God absolutely knows our every need, but He wants us to ask for what we desire.  Jesus asked a blind man that very question in Mark 10 in verses 46-52. (Bold text added)

 Now they came to Jericho. As He went out of Jericho with His disciples and a great multitude, blind Bartimaeus, the son of Timaeus, sat by the road begging. And when he heard that it was Jesus of Nazareth, he began to cry out and say, “Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me!”

 Then many warned him to be quiet; but he cried out all the more, “Son of David, have mercy on me!”

 So Jesus stood still and commanded him to be called.

Then they called the blind man, saying to him, “Be of good cheer. Rise, He is calling you.”

 And throwing aside his garment, he rose and came to Jesus.

So Jesus answered and said to him, “What do you want Me to do for you?”

The blind man said to Him, “Rabboni, that I may receive my sight.”

 Then Jesus said to him, “Go your way; your faith has made you well.” And immediately he received his sight and followed Jesus on the road.

I know that Jesus knew exactly what Bartimaeus wanted, but he made him articulate it, just as I do when Bella has a request.  I think that the point of Jesus asking was to activate the man's faith. When he had asked, he was opening his own spirit to the possibility that he could be healed.  Asking Jesus, who was the one who had the power to heal him, showed that he knew he had come to the right source.  The request activated the faith which resulted in healing which led to Bartimaeus following Jesus. Through our relationship with Jesus and the words of our mouth, new things in our lives are created and changed.

I am not Bella's source - God is.  While she is little though, she is learning that relationship with me (and her parents and other family members) is the key to getting her needs met, if she will ask for what she wants.  We, as children of God, need to learn that same thing - that relationship comes first and asking comes next.  

 If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, you will ask what you desire, and it shall be done for you. (John 15:7)

Abiding in Him is the very definition of relationship. If  His words abide in you, you will have knowledge of His character. Then what you desire will be in accordance with what He wants for you and will be for your good.  Tell Him what you want!

He Knows My Name

As I mentioned in last week's post, I have been doing some purging of my belongings, trying to simplify my life a little.  Though I plan to live to a very ripe old age, I don't want to leave too much clutter for my children to sort through when I'm gone.

One thing I ran across in my sorting was a yearbook from a school where I taught about 12 years ago.  It's the only yearbook I have from any of the schools where I have worked.  In deciding whether to keep it, I took a look back through the pages to see which students I remembered.  I am a resource room teacher, so I didn't have a classroom of my own students but worked with small groups of every grade level through the day. Evidently, sometime in the past, I had placed a check mark beside the pictures of the students with whom I had worked.

As I looked at those faces from over a decade ago, I smiled at some as I remembered a specific interaction with them or a trait they had that I recalled, such as the little boy who fell asleep so much at school that I had to start having him sit on the floor to work with me so he wouldn't put his head down on the desk and start snoring!  Wondering where life had taken some of these kiddos, I did what everyone does these days when they are looking for someone - I typed their names into the search bar on Facebook!

When I knew these students they were in kindergarten through fifth grade, so 12 years for them meant their entire school career and the beginning of their adult life.  Many of their profiles showed evidence of continuing their education after high school, starting careers, developing relationships and in at least one case, having a child.

What was interesting about my search for them is that some were easy to find. Their name was unique enough that there weren't pages and pages of people with the same name.  Many had their city listed and it was in the same area of the school where I had known them.  Of course, some of them may not even be Facebook users. Others, however, got lost in the ordinariness of their name and without a context of location, I could not pinpoint which person with that name was my former student.

Have you ever "googled" your own name?  In my case, there is a Jan Ellis who was a famous South African rugby player and another who is an actor.  Ironically, there are many women with the name Jan Ellis who are also teachers.  Others are writers, lawyers, and financial planners.  There is even a dessert called Jan Ellis Pudding!

With all those folks coming up as search results for Jan Ellis, someone who was looking for me might have a difficult time determining just which one was me, but God knows exactly which Jan Ellis I am.  I don't get lost in His mind in the multitude of others who share my name.  He knows the number of the very hairs on my head.  

Revelation 2:17 says,  “He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches. To him who overcomes I will give some of the hidden manna to eat. And I will give him a white stone, and on the stone, a new name written which no one knows except him who receives it.” 

Bible scholars don't all agree about the meaning of this passage, but many list several cultural uses of a white stone.  One was the use of a white stone by the member of a jury to cast a vote for acquittal - a judgment of being innocent of the charges.  Another use of the stone was as a ticket for admission to a festival. Both of those explanations have some deep spiritual significance, but it's that new name that is most interesting to me. There are also differing opinions about the nature of that name, but I believe that God has a unique, identifying name for us that represents our transformation and the events of our journey in Him.  We will instantly identify with and understand that name and all that it means. No one else will "know" the way that we "know" all that the name encompasses because they didn't live our story. 

At any rate, for now, I do know that He knows me better than I know myself.  He knows where I was then, where I am now, and what my future holds.  Though I'm just one in a vast number of all the human beings who have ever lived on this earth, he still knows me and values me as if I was the only person on this earth and He places that same love and value on you.  Don't underestimate the capacity of this amazing God to differentiate between you and the billions of others who are in His heart.  He knows your name!

Get Rid of the Junk!

If you are a Facebook person, you know how the site will show you posts from previous years on the anniversary of the date that you first posted them.  One of mine today was a post from nine years ago that reads like this:

"Packing, sorting, organizing, yard sale planning, weeding out the junk . . . How do people stay organized when they don't move every year like I have for a while? What will I do when I actually have to stay in one place for the rest of my life???????"

Ironically, since that move, I have moved three more times. Each time there is more accumulated "stuff" that I can easily discard, sell or give away.  If I can live without it and let it leave my life so easily, why did I have it in the first place?

I've been thinking about the unnecessary things in my life.  Even though I'm not contemplating a move this time, (thank goodness), I am still spending some of my summer break from teaching to go through all my belongings and let go of the things that I really don't need or want.  I've got clothes that don't fit or that never flattered me in the first place, books and mountains of files that I'll never refer to again, kitchen gadgets that create more work that they perform, decorative objects and framed pictures that I just don't have room for, and a host of other miscellaneous items that just don't have a place in my life anymore. The phrase "less is more" really is true. When the useless is moved away, it is much easier to find, use and enjoy those things that are beautiful and useful in your home.

Just like the physical items in our lives, there are spiritual, mental and emotional things that we need to release as well.  That old resentment against someone in your past?  You don't need it.  While it is hurting you, they probably haven't even had a thought about you in years.  Throw it out.  The self-critical attitude you have about yourself?  Dump it.  God created you to be an amazing piece of work with potential that you cannot begin to comprehend.  Fears about the future?  Who needs them?  God says to "fear not" and to trust your steps to Him.  When you discard those old, damaging thoughts and attitudes, it's much easier to find, use and enjoy those things that are beautiful and useful in your life.

Hebrews 12:1 says, "Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us...."

An Olympic runner can't race while carrying heavy suitcases and we can't run our race bogged down by thinking that doesn't align itself with the Word of God.  Let's let go of all those "weights" in our lives so we can reach the finish line in our lives in victory.

It's Rustic!

I've heard that in some Eastern and Native American religions, artisans deliberately put flaws in their rugs or blankets, believing that only God could make something perfect.  Trust me - I can make an imperfect project without even trying! No deliberate imperfection necessary. 

Take the pictures above for instance.  We had a boring brown outbuilding on our property when we bought our house a couple of years ago.  Little by little, we made improvements to it – a little paint – a few decorative tools to display – and finally, we got to “THE DOOR PROJECT”.  I had this all figured out.  I saw a picture online of a barn style door made with old tin roofing and some barn board.  It was a much better look than an old beige trailer door.  However, in the execution, mistakes were made.  My husband and I had measured the area for the tin in the center to make sure we had the dimensions right vertically but forgot to cut the section to be centered horizontally.  Now, I can’t take any credit for the actual execution of this project.  My husband and son spent three hours in the hot June sun on Saturday making my vision come to life.  It wasn’t until we had the tin fastened in place on the existing door that we realized that we hadn’t cut it to be centered. My son said, “Hey, it looks rustic!” and said that he uses the word rustic to cover the flaws in anything he builds.  We decided to go with it and just kept on going with the door – imperfections and all.  It’s rustic, y’all!

It’s June now.  How many of you have kept all your New Year’s resolutions?  I’ll bet many of you have already messed up - ate too much, smoked a cigarette, skipped a day of exercise, cursed, lost your temper - and have given up because you have been imperfect in keeping your promise to yourself.

Why not treat those mistakes as deliberate imperfections?  Keep yourself humble - but keep striving for your goal.  We will never get it perfectly right - but we can make permanent improvements in our lives.

I used to work with middle school teachers as an instructional coach.  In a discussion with a group of teachers, I talked about using deliberate errors in our own work to see if students can catch the mistakes.  One teacher said that when she makes an accidental mistake - she just pretends that she made it on purpose to see if her students were paying attention!  Works for me!

It's time to accept your imperfections in life and to work with them.  Your house will never be perfectly organized or decorated or cleaned.  Your body will never look exactly the way you envision it.  Your marriage will still be a union between two imperfect people.  Your children will never be Stepford kids.  Your job will always have challenges.  Your friends and family members will always be flawed people.  All that is ok!  Bless people with your gifts and talents - imperfectly.  It is still a blessing!

God doesn't expect perfection. He provided perfection for us in Jesus.  We're only responsible to go after Him and His purpose for our lives.  Think about the little craft projects your babies made for you for special occasions.  They were far from perfect, but the love and effort that your child displayed by creating them for you was a delight to your heart.  In the same way, God is delighted by our attempts to bless Him and to do His work. You'll never be a perfect Christian, but at least be one that is doing something, however "rustic" it may be.

21,703 Days

Sometimes the topic of my weekly blog post comes quite easily.  A little event during the week or an overheard phrase becomes an analogy to some spiritual lesson. There are other times that I sit down to write and have no idea what’s going to end up being posted online.  I must dig a little deeper for inspiration on those evenings and tonight was a time for digging.

Then I thought about our associate pastor’s message from this morning.  His title was “These are the Days of our Lives” – and no – he wasn’t referencing the soap opera.  His message was about the different lives we all lead – public, private, and secret and how we need to let God be the Lord of all those “lives”. 

My mind took a different direction on that title this evening as I thought about the days of my life. I found an online calculator that told me that as of today, I have lived 21,703 days on this earth. Then I thought about how little I actually remember about each individual day in my life.  Of course, I have vivid memories of my wedding and the births of my children.  I remember the day we discovered that our beautiful granddaughter was going to be joining our family.  There are scattered mental snapshots of moments on vacation, a few holidays, some painful events, and some profound moments in my relationship with God.  For the most part, life goes by in lots of ordinary, non-eventful days where I get up, go to work, and come home in a seemingly never-ending cycle.  As a teacher, I also have a line-up of boring, quiet summer days every year.

I’ve never been able to keep up the discipline of an everyday diary.  However, I do have a little journal, given to me by a good friend, where I have tried to record the major events in my life.  All told, there are probably less than a hundred days recorded in that slim volume but reading over those entries reminds me of some very precious moments and many lessons learned.  Much of what I am able to convey in writing now is because of how I have learned to hear God in the situations of my life like the ones recorded there.

Not all of it is joyful.  Some of the events were things that I thought would break me at the time but running through all of it is the faithfulness of God.  He has been in the middle of every circumstance of my life, using all things “for my good” even when it didn’t feel so good at the time.  

So much of our lives will be a blur as we move through our daily routines, but every moment is a gift.  I encourage you to start a little notebook of your own.  Don’t put yourself under the bondage of writing something every day but begin to record the blessings in your life.  Write about the funny things your child or grandchild does and says.  Record the statement in your pastor’s sermon that really touched your heart.  Pour out your own frustrations about a situation and then write down the outcome that comes after a time of prayer and trusting God.  If you aren’t much of a writer, at least jot down a word or a phrase or draw a picture that will remind you of the event. Write the date to help you place that moment in time. Think about how the events of the people of the Bible – both tragic and triumphant – serve to teach and inspire us today.  Somebody wrote it down.

Ten years of my life are in this little book I’ve been using, and I’ve just filled it. When I get discouraged, I sometimes just sit and read about the “roller-coaster” of the last few years and remember what God has done. There’s another book in my home office waiting to receive new memories, thoughts and answered prayers.  Let’s not let all those “days of our lives” slip through our minds like those “sands through the hourglass”.  Let’s allow the past to give us hope for the future.

Cleaning House

I finally realized why I hate cleaning my house so much.  It’s not the actual work involved.  It’s not even gathering up all the materials I need or moving objects out of the way so I can get to all the surfaces that I need to sweep or mop or dust or scrub.  It’s the fact that no matter how hard I work to get each area clean, I can never get it perfectly spotless.

This major revelation came to me yesterday as I was doing my “you’re on summer vacation from school so you have no excuse” cleaning. I had swept and mopped a floor and still, I kept finding small blades of grass and bits of dust in corners and next to baseboards and thresholds.  No matter how many fancy cleaning tools and products I buy, my house will never, ever, be perfectly clean.

Our lives are like houses.  We want to “straighten up” our lives – for them to be beautiful and clean. We make promises to ourselves to start doing certain things or stop doing others, but our willpower isn’t enough to make all those necessary changes in our lives.  The sin that is in our lives is like those pesky blades of grass and dust bunnies.  No matter how hard we try, we can’t seem to eradicate all of them.  The good news is that God knows that we don’t have the power to be perfect and He has made provision to wash our sin away through the blood of Jesus. We all know that our own righteousness is “as filthy rags” (Isaiah 64:6) and we are thankful for a Savior who gave His all to make us clean.

I’m thankful for that as well, but this “clean house/clean life” analogy got me thinking.  Just because I can never clean this house to perfection doesn’t mean that I should put down the brooms and mops and dust rags and just declare defeat.  Not having the ability to make my home spotless does not give me a license to just let the filth pile up around me.  I am responsible to do what I can, to the best of my ability, to care for this house that God has given me – to make it a clean, attractive, and healthy place for my family to spend time together.

In the same way, we should not just throw up our hands at the state of our lives and say, “I can never be perfect in this life, so I’ll just live any way I want because Jesus is the one that makes my life clean anyway”.  We are responsible to live lives that are pleasing to God to the best of our ability – to make our “house” a place where His love and life are shown to others. I know there are two extremes of doctrine in the Christian world.  One says, “anything goes because grace covers sin” and the other says “one little slip and God will send you straight to hell”.  I believe it’s a balance.  We don’t have to walk around constantly in fear that we are on the edge of slipping up, but we need to go after God in such a way that our moral lives reflect who we are serving.  Living lives free of sin is not a matter of picking up tools to clean up after ourselves but is a natural outgrowth of letting God change us from the inside out.